"It's a Sad and Beautiful World..."
Sometimes it seems like we waste so much time worrying about how we look or what we're doing tomorrow night to even realize this; it is truly who we are that really matters. Sometimes a beautiful face can catch our eye; our an outfit, or a car. My friend Mechelle was beautiful. Cute Mechelle; no-makeup-beautiful Mechelle. But today, Mechelle worries not about the new home she just bought, or sub-letting her condo. Today, Mechelle has left this world.
I met Mechelle at orientation; we started working at Foxwoods together. Her seniority number was one above mine; her badge number was two above mine. We became friends. Sure, she was a beautiful girl, but she was also a hard worker with amazing motivation. She put herself through college and bought a condo; she'd just bought a home near the beach. Mechelle's drive always impressed the hell out of me.
Mechelle used to worry, though. I think that when you're really pretty, people don't realize what you're like on the inside. But those who knew Mechelle knew her as the crazy girl in the service bars; she'd dance and sing and make everyone laugh. Even when she didn't want to work anymore--we'd still laugh about something.
There is only one thing that I regret; that I promised Mechelle I'd push her through graduate school and I'll never be able to do this. Last week we talked about our futures and really making something of our lives. She told me that she'd need me; I told her that I'd be there. I never imagined that *she* wouldn't be there.
There isn't much I can say now; just that everyone around here is upset over your leaving us, Mechelle. Because you were sweet and funny and we all loved you (even when you drove us crazy; even when we wanted to look after you and couldn't)--because we still do love you. I just hope that you know that we're heartbroken over you.
The last time that we worked together I told you that I didn't feel like being at work, but I was glad to be with you, because I knew you'd make it fun; I knew that you'd make me laugh. And you did make me laugh...I just want you know that like everyone else, I will always remember your smiling face. Of course, I want you to also know that I will carry with me who you were inside; sometimes tortured; sometimes confused; always, always caring. Mechelle, you had a huge heart and that is something I will never forget.
RIP Mechelle Rutka (1981-2006). I love you and I already miss you.
I met Mechelle at orientation; we started working at Foxwoods together. Her seniority number was one above mine; her badge number was two above mine. We became friends. Sure, she was a beautiful girl, but she was also a hard worker with amazing motivation. She put herself through college and bought a condo; she'd just bought a home near the beach. Mechelle's drive always impressed the hell out of me.
Mechelle used to worry, though. I think that when you're really pretty, people don't realize what you're like on the inside. But those who knew Mechelle knew her as the crazy girl in the service bars; she'd dance and sing and make everyone laugh. Even when she didn't want to work anymore--we'd still laugh about something.
There is only one thing that I regret; that I promised Mechelle I'd push her through graduate school and I'll never be able to do this. Last week we talked about our futures and really making something of our lives. She told me that she'd need me; I told her that I'd be there. I never imagined that *she* wouldn't be there.
There isn't much I can say now; just that everyone around here is upset over your leaving us, Mechelle. Because you were sweet and funny and we all loved you (even when you drove us crazy; even when we wanted to look after you and couldn't)--because we still do love you. I just hope that you know that we're heartbroken over you.
The last time that we worked together I told you that I didn't feel like being at work, but I was glad to be with you, because I knew you'd make it fun; I knew that you'd make me laugh. And you did make me laugh...I just want you know that like everyone else, I will always remember your smiling face. Of course, I want you to also know that I will carry with me who you were inside; sometimes tortured; sometimes confused; always, always caring. Mechelle, you had a huge heart and that is something I will never forget.
RIP Mechelle Rutka (1981-2006). I love you and I already miss you.
posted by Jess @ Tuesday, July 25, 2006
1 Comments:
Wow--check me out, though. I'm actually posting a comment on my own blog (but hey, as Cartman says, "whatever, whatever, I do what I want").
I guess I'm just posting because I can't stop thinking about Mechelle. I keep seeing her name in obituaries and the like and I can't get over this--her name doesn't belong there. This shouldn't have happened.
I know, I know...it *did* happen. I just can't stop thinking about the fact that I'm not ready to say goodbye to you, Mechelle. I want to see you again, laugh with you again. I'm not ready for you to go. But, I digress. This isn't about what I want; I'll admit that everything I've said is quite selfish. However, I just feel like you have had so much potential and I don't want to let that go.
The little things keep creeping into my mind as well...things like her cell phone, or her "People" magazine subscription...things that are in her name that have nowhere to go. I keep thinking of her home and her belongings, left in the precise spots where she touched them last...
I know that's crazy, but those are the things that I've been thinking about. I mean, what do you do with the contents of her make up bags? And underwear drawer? And shower? And her closet? I mean, those are items that mattered to a real person...and now that person is gone. I know it's not about the material things; but those things are attached to a person. I mean, I attach those type of items to myself; we all do. So where the hell do these things go? These are the little things, but they make us think about the bigger picture--here's Mechelle's phone, and she's never going to use it again because she's gone.
And damn it, it's just hard to believe that she's really not coming back.
Miss you! :)
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