"It's a Sad and Beautiful World..."

Sometimes it seems like we waste so much time worrying about how we look or what we're doing tomorrow night to even realize this; it is truly who we are that really matters. Sometimes a beautiful face can catch our eye; our an outfit, or a car. My friend Mechelle was beautiful. Cute Mechelle; no-makeup-beautiful Mechelle. But today, Mechelle worries not about the new home she just bought, or sub-letting her condo. Today, Mechelle has left this world.

I met Mechelle at orientation; we started working at Foxwoods together. Her seniority number was one above mine; her badge number was two above mine. We became friends. Sure, she was a beautiful girl, but she was also a hard worker with amazing motivation. She put herself through college and bought a condo; she'd just bought a home near the beach. Mechelle's drive always impressed the hell out of me.

Mechelle used to worry, though. I think that when you're really pretty, people don't realize what you're like on the inside. But those who knew Mechelle knew her as the crazy girl in the service bars; she'd dance and sing and make everyone laugh. Even when she didn't want to work anymore--we'd still laugh about something.

There is only one thing that I regret; that I promised Mechelle I'd push her through graduate school and I'll never be able to do this. Last week we talked about our futures and really making something of our lives. She told me that she'd need me; I told her that I'd be there. I never imagined that *she* wouldn't be there.

There isn't much I can say now; just that everyone around here is upset over your leaving us, Mechelle. Because you were sweet and funny and we all loved you (even when you drove us crazy; even when we wanted to look after you and couldn't)--because we still do love you. I just hope that you know that we're heartbroken over you.

The last time that we worked together I told you that I didn't feel like being at work, but I was glad to be with you, because I knew you'd make it fun; I knew that you'd make me laugh. And you did make me laugh...I just want you know that like everyone else, I will always remember your smiling face. Of course, I want you to also know that I will carry with me who you were inside; sometimes tortured; sometimes confused; always, always caring. Mechelle, you had a huge heart and that is something I will never forget.

RIP Mechelle Rutka (1981-2006). I love you and I already miss you.